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The 3-Letter Words Child Psychologists Love

Post author By Admin
Post date October 13, 2020

The 3-Letter Words Child Psychologists Love

Pandemic parenting burning you out? Use these words psychologists endorse.

Pandemic parenting is hard. For many of us, parenting during COVID-19 is the hardest thing we’ve ever had to do. It’s not surprising that Google searches for parental burnout, parenting, and stress, and emotion management are spiking. It’s also not surprising that children are experiencing more stress-related symptoms than ever before. Coronavirus is like the gift that keeps on taking, and it doesn’t look like we’re going to be past it any time soon. Even when we are past it, I think the next pandemics facing this country will be pandemics of post-traumatic symptomatology and burnout.

Parenting is hard even when there isn’t a pandemic complicating matters. Sometimes, parenting is so hard, we forget that there are simple changes we can make that can help. Here’s a list of some of my favorite three-letter words that can transform our parenting. I try to review this list and use at least one of these words with my kids, or with myself, each day. Turns out, adults are just grown-up kids, and using these words with ourselves can help us be kinder to ourselves, too.

Yet

This is a word that I try to attach to the end of any sentence that starts with “I can’t.” Whether that sentence is about how “I can’t” traverse the monkey bars, multiply fractions, use Canva, or get along with a troublesome peer, the word “yet” transforms the sentence from fatalistic to hopeful. I can’t do a cartwheel—yet. I can’t successfully bake a loaf of sourdough bread—yet. I can’t handle quadratic equations—yet. And also, for parents—I can’t stay calm when the kids are bickering—yet. I can’t handle another few months of hybrid schooling—yet. I can’t get my kids to comply with bedtime—yet. A wonderful children’s book that teaches this concept is called Bubblegum Brain. It’s by Julia Cook, and it describes how the ability to persevere despite frustration helps us succeed. The book is very child friendly but has a great message for adults as well. (For more about parenting to promote a growth mindset, click here.)

And

This is a favorite word with DBT therapists, because it helps us remember the dialectical nature of human psychology. Two seemingly contradictory things can be true at the same time. Using “and” in our communication with children helps us convey our unshakable love and belief in them, even when we’re reprimanding them. You are a wonderful, kind boy, AND we need to work on using our words when we disagree with our brothers. You are a responsible kid AND we need to figure out a better system for time management around chores. You are a good person AND you need to learn some tolerance skills. After all, our kids can be the most exasperating creatures in the world AND we love them more than we can express, right? We always want to convey the message (in the immortal words of Mr. Rogers): I love you just the way you are AND there are always skills you can learn, competencies you can master, and emotions you can learn to regulate better. The one does not cancel out the other. That’s the power of the word “and.”

Pre

When a child is still stuck in a behavior pattern we don’t approve of, we have to remember that they are not finished products. Instead, they’re in the pre-change state. Sometimes, children don’t change until they’ve matured enough to be ready to do so. Sometimes, it’s a matter of development. Sometimes, it’s a matter of peer expectations, and sometimes, it’s a matter of motivation. I remember a patient of mine who simply could not learn time management—her mother tried all sorts of charts and behavioral systems, but nothing stuck. Until she auditioned for the school band and was accepted. Band practice was before school, which meant catching the early bus. She never missed the bus once! A combination of maturity and motivation got her to a place that no amount of behavior modification or parental encouragement could. She wasn’t incapable of change, she was just in the pre-change state.

The same can be said of parents: When people try to learn new parenting patterns, it can seem daunting. But perhaps we’re not inept, we’re just pre-change. I’ve seen many parents who were daunted by the thought of mastering parenting a child with OCD, anxiety, or social challenges—and who soon mastered new skills. Like the word “yet,” “pre” reminds us that we’re always growing, changing, and evolving, if we let ourselves embrace that process. (To read more about using this concept in parenting psychodiverse kids, click here and here.)

Why (and why now)

This is a word that helps us understand that there are frequently many motivations for our children’s behavior and our own. Why did my child have such a strong reaction to being teased by this person, in this manner, at this time, when yesterday he was teased and he let it wash over him? Why does this situation make my child behave in what seems to be an irrational manner?

“Why” is a great word for parents as well, because it helps us understand why we can sometimes react so unevenly to stressors. Why can I stay so calm during a child’s meltdown, but react so strongly when one sibling is taunting another? Does it have to do with my own unresolved feelings about sibling bullying? Why are Tuesday nights so difficult in our home? Is there a way to manage the schedule on Tuesdays better? “Why” is great for figuring out whether there are still ghosts from our past that are interfering with our parenting today. Frequently, when we do respond disproportionately with our children, it’s either due to our own stress levels or due to feelings from our childhood. Why helps us figure out the patterns that lead to our behavior. (To read more about Post-Traumatic Parenting, click here.)

Ish

There’s a wonderful picture book by Peter Reynolds called Ish. I recommend that every parent buy the book and use it to discuss perfectionism with their children. Ish describes the way an older sibling’s mocking causes a young boy to stop trying to draw, until his sister teaches him the power of “ish.” Rather than try to draw a perfect flower, draw a “flower-ish” or a “dog-ish” or a “pencil-ish.” Soon, the boy regains the joy of creation. When I’m working with a child who is intimidated by starting a new skill, we talk about how to do a good job—ish, and that’s all that matters. It doesn’t have to be a perfect score, or a winning goal, or the best cartwheel in the class. To start, all we need is to try, and do it “ish.”

The same goes for parenting. We can get lost in an endless cataloging of our parenting ills and triumphs. But the truth is, we need to parent responsively-ish. As D.W. Winnicott said, small failures on the part of a parent are healthy for a child. Parenting doesn’t come down to perfection, it comes down to connection, inevitable failures, and our ability to repair them.

Sometimes, parenting in stressful situations can be as simple as adding some three-letter words to our vocabularies. I’d love to hear from fellow parents about other three-letter words that can help.

Article Link: The 3-Letter Words Child Psychologists Love

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6 Ways to Calm Down an Out-of-Control Partner

Post author By Admin
Post date September 17, 2020

6 Ways to Calm Down an Out-of-Control Partner

New relationship research suggests 6 approaches that can de-stress your partner.

Even during the best of times, some people have partners who always seem to question their feelings about the relationship. For example, on one occasion, things were going reasonably well, and you didn’t think there would be a problem if you went out for a socially distant evening with your friends, leaving your partner at home. You were having so much fun that you didn’t even realize how long you’d been out until you got an anxious text from your partner wondering where you were. When you returned home, your partner went completely off the rails, accusing you of having an affair.

The stress of living under COVID-19 is turning the best of times into the worst for many couples. If you share the same household, you’re together almost non-stop, putting your relationship under a new kind of microscope. If you live apart, perhaps even at some distance, it’s difficult to find ways to see each other. In either case, with an insecure partner, the new reality will put stress on your relationship.

Researchers in the area of close relationships established some time ago the idea that adults who have difficulties feeling safe and secure got to be this way as a result of problems in early life when their caregivers (usually parents) failed to meet their basic emotional needs. According to the concept of attachment styles, adults carry on forward into their adult relationships the so-called “internal working models” resulting from how they were cared for as infants. Securely attached adults will be able to withstand a wider range of relationship situations than insecurely attached adults, whose alarm signals go off at the slightest hint of perceived neglect from their partners.

A new study by Sapienzo University of Rome’s Giacomo Ciocca and colleagues (2020) suggests that it’s not only an insecure attachment style that leads partners to become out of control when they fear abandonment, but also the use of so-called immature defense mechanisms. Based on psychodynamic theory, the authors note that contemporary views of defense mechanisms regard them as reactions to “stressful or threatening mental representations and feelings that would otherwise produce psychological distress, protecting the individual from mental suffering and one’s altered perception of self, others, or one’s own emotions” (p. 385). From this perspective, an insecure attachment style might only be partly the cause of your partner’s constant need for reassurance.

You might know about defense mechanisms from a psychology course you took at one point, or from popular media coverage of such topics as “passive aggressiveness” or “repression.” The traditional Freudian view of defense mechanisms sees them in terms of sexual desires, but as you can see from the Ciocca et al. quote, the more contemporary approach places them in the larger context of stress more generally. The categories of defense mechanisms within this approach range from “immature” ones that involve “massive reality distortion” to the “mature” ones that “allow relatively more conscious awareness” of potentially threatening feelings and experiences.

Partners who overreact when they perceive abandonment only make things worse, as suggested by the Italian authors, when they become so overwhelmed with fear that they can’t even recognize the reality of what’s happening to them. It’s thus the combination of an insecure attachment style plus immature defense mechanisms that might lead your partner to become so panicky and upset when sensing your possible lack of “support.”

Putting this approach to the test, Ciocca and his colleagues tested a statistical model on data from a sample of 1,129 college students living in Italy and Albania using measures of attachment style, defense mechanisms, and, as an outcome, psychological distress. The participants ranged in age from 18 to 49 but averaged 22 years old, and the majority (65%) were female. The attachment style measure provided scores on the extent to which participants were securely attached, fearful (afraid of intimacy), preoccupied (afraid of abandonment) or dismissive (unwilling to become attached).

As the authors predicted, people who scored high on either the preoccupied or fearful attachment styles were indeed more likely to report high levels of distress, but this relationship was statistically accounted for by their use of immature defenses. Ciocca et al. interpret this finding in more depth to suggest that people with insecure attachment styles aren’t only insecure about relationships, but also about their own sense of identity. They try to keep themselves from having to acknowledge this sense of personal weakness by resorting to one of several immature defense mechanisms, but these only make things worse. Rather than being able to recognize and accept their limitations, they try desperately to cover them up. If you get in the way of this, you might very well become the brunt of their tendencies to act out, project, or passive aggressively try to attack you.

How, then, can you use the findings of the study to help your partner gain greater emotional control? Taking the relevant concepts from this research into account, here are the six methods that might help defuse situations that can easily harm your relationship:

1. Recognize the source of your partner’s insecurity. No one wants to have an insecure attachment style. If your partner seems overly needy, it’s not due to a personal choice.

2. Support your partner’s sense of personal identity. Both you and your partner might gain from recognizing each other’s strengths and positive attributes.

3. Be patient and supportive. Again, your partner doesn’t want to be this way. It’s easy to become angry and defensive yourself, so try to remain calm yourself.

4. Help pave the way for more mature defense mechanisms by your partner. Recall that humor is one of the more mature defense mechanisms. Although this might seem only to fan the flames, perhaps in a calmer moment you can agree with your partner on ways to defuse things through a smile or even a little laughter.

5. Use situations that have escalated in the past as a way to prepare for the future. Again, once things are calmer, go back over (in a non-accusatory fashion) the way things developed in that situation to figure out how to stop the next one from spiraling out of control.

6. Find ways to manage your own feelings of distress. It’s upsetting to be exposed to the unhappiness of a person you care about. You might need those occasional nights out with your friends, and if you establish ground rules ahead of time, your partner might be able to accept this with greater equanimity.

To sum up, having a partner who easily becomes enraged and upset can make daily life difficult for both of you. Understanding the dynamics behind your partner’s insecurity can help bring both of you back onto a more even and fulfilling keel.

Article Link: 6 Ways to Calm Down an Out-of-Control Partner

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Why Romantic Partners Really Argue: What You May Not Know

Post author By Admin
Post date September 17, 2020

Why Romantic Partners Really Argue: What You May Not Know

What’s really at the root of arguments and what can help.

The quality of relationships is the quality of life. Yet, relationships are innately challenging. There tends to be at least some conflict in almost every relationship and there’s widespread confusion about what drives it and how to prevent it. This unfortunately can lead to more arguments. Partners often say, “We argue over stupid things.” This is somewhat true. That said, there are a lot more things partners are actually arguing about under the surface than what meets the eye, especially for the partners themselves.

When it comes down to it, your partner doesn’t actually care as much about whether you turned on the dishwasher, or were 20 minutes late to an important appointment. As an emotionally-focused therapist, I view the core of relationship conflict as a protest against disconnection. This often manifests as a cycle of mutually-enforcing negative interaction rooted in emotional processing from our need for close relationships. With romantic partners especially, emotionally charged exchanges can evolve so fast and become so chaotic that it’s too easy to miss what actually happened and how partners could have reacted differently. They can become deeply distressing, to the point where it can feel like you are fighting for your life. We’re wired and programmed to bond as social mammals—arguably more than we’re programmed to eat. Our need for close relationships and the powerful emotions accompanying them tend to arise sharply and suddenly.

So, focusing on the content of arguments (i.e who forgot to mail the important package) misses the forest for the trees. What fights are really about is the emotional safety in a relationship, partner’s’ subjective sense of the other’s caring from them (or being there for them), and fear that they will get hurt. In this sense, a relationship solution is emotional vulnerability, accessibility, and responsiveness. This leads to acceptance of painful and disowned feels and parts of self that can significantly strengthen a relationship.

Our relationship and attachment needs are naturally healthy and adaptive. Aside from disagreements rooted in personality differences, partners actually argue because their interactive patterns leave them feeling stuck and disconnected. These patterns are demarcated as the relationship’s “negative cycle,” in which partners must learn to combat as a team. The out is creating emotionally-bonding experiences of vulnerability and closeness instead of stuckness from their negative cycle. In this sense, their arguments actually demarcate stuck patterns of mutually-reinforcing responses in which their attachment bond feels threatened. Relationships fail not because of increased conflict, but lack of connection, decreasing affection, and reduced emotional responsiveness because of partners’ stuck responses in their “negative cycle.”

Research on partners’ arguments suggests that they don’t use communication skills in the heat of an argument. So, contrary to what you may think, if you seek EFT relationship therapy, your therapist won’t be teaching you communication skills often. Most people in struggling relationships generally know how to communicate. You likely communicate quite well with friends, coworkers, strangers, etc. Yet why do you have a hard time communicating with your partner(s)? The answer is that you are caught by a negative pattern of reactions (arguments), feelings unspoken, and confusing or hidden ways of trying to get your need for connection and comfort met. There’s a lot more going on underneath the words that isn’t being communicated. Getting to what’s underneath leads us to the true cause of arguments and relationship distress.

Thus, focusing on communication skills won’t get to the root of the problems or fix them long-term. Research on the arguments of partners shows that they don’t use communication skills in the heat of an argument. In reality, when you’re upset and you need good communication the most, you likely react from your gut at lightning speed. You typically don’t stop to think about using communication skills such as “I-statements” and “reflecting” or “validating” the statements your partner just made.

In this sense, partners need to look closely at what’s underneath their arguments and fueling negative patterns. What is blocking underlying feelings? Partners need to learn to reach out to each other with those feelings such as sadness about the disconnection, feelings of failure or inadequacy, or fear of rejection.

Therapy can help

This softer, more vulnerable sharing can feel downright scary and profoundly uncomfortable. Turning toward vulnerability is hard work, but worth it. Good relationship counseling is a deep bonding experience that lasts months and years after therapy ends. You may be nervous, but starting therapy may just save your relationships(s) and change your life. Too many partners start therapy up to seven-plus years too late.

Article Link: Why Romantic Partners Really Argue: What You May Not Know

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How Screen Time and Green Time May Affect Youth Psychological Outcomes

Post author By Admin
Post date September 17, 2020

How Screen Time and Green Time May Affect Youth Psychological Outcomes

Less screen time and more green time are associated with better psychological outcomes among children and adolescents, according to a study published September 2 in the open-access journal PLOS ONE by Tassia Oswald of the University of Adelaide, and colleagues.

The prevalence of mental illness among children and adolescents is increasing globally. Technological developments in recent decades have increased young people’s engagement with screen-based technologies (screen time), and a reduction in young people’s contact with nature (green time) has been observed concurrently. This combination of high screen time and low green time may affect mental health and well-being. But research investigating the psychological impacts of screen time or green time typically considers each factor in isolation and fails to delineate the reciprocal effects of high technology use and low contact with nature on mental health and cognitive outcomes. To address this question, Oswald and colleagues analyzed the findings of 186 studies to collate evidence assessing associations between screen time, green time, and psychological outcomes (including mental health, cognitive functioning, and academic achievement) for children and adolescents.

Word cloud of the language used to conceptualise and measure ST and GT in the included studies (ST = 114 studies; GT = 58 studies; Both = 14 studies). Image is credited to Oswald TK, et al (2020); PLOS ONE.

In general, high levels of screen time appeared to be associated with unfavorable psychological outcomes, while green time appeared to be associated with favorable psychological outcomes. Young people from low socioeconomic backgrounds were underrepresented in the literature overall and may be disproportionately affected by high screen time and low green time, making this a priority group for future research. However, additional longitudinal studies and RCTs are needed to determine whether decreasing screen time and increasing green time would improve psychological outcomes. According to the authors, preliminary evidence suggests that green time could potentially buffer the consequences of high screen time, meaning nature may be an under-utilized public health resource to promote youth psychological well-being in a high-tech era. Investment in more rigorous research is needed to explore this.

Oswald adds: “This systematic scoping review highlights that nature may currently be an under-utilised public health resource, which could potentially function as an upstream preventative and psychological well-being promotion intervention for children and adolescents in a high-tech era. However, robust evidence is needed to guide policies and recommendations around appropriate screen time and green time at critical life stages, to ultimately ensure optimal psychological well-being for young people.”

Article Link: How Screen Time and Green Time May Affect Youth Psychological Outcomes

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It’s Time for Psychology to Lead, Not Follow

Post author By Admin
Post date August 25, 2020

It’s Time for Psychology to Lead, Not Follow

Psychotherapy is not a medical treatment.

One of the most powerful constructs I know is called supervenience. It helps us understand why knowledge at one level of analysis can be irrelevant at another.

For example: When you watch a movie on a screen, you are seeing arrangements of pixels. The movie is 100 percent dependent on pixels and cannot exist apart from them. But knowledge of pixels is irrelevant to understanding the movie. We could know everything there is to know about pixeIs and have no concept of Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, or the battle for the empire.

Movie supervenes on pixels.

Likewise, mind supervenes on brain. Mind depends on brain and cannot exist apart from it. But knowledge of brain is not knowledge of mental life. They are different levels of analysis requiring different concepts and methods.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), under the direction of Tom Insel, made the assumption that mental health problems are “brain disease” and neurobiology would unlock the cure for all manner of mental and emotional suffering. NIMH bet the farm and failed spectacularly.

Now Insel says, “I spent 13 years at NIMH really pushing on neuroscience… and when I look back on that I realize that while I think I succeeded in getting lots of cool papers published by cool scientists at fairly large costs—I think $20 billion—I don’t think we moved the needle in reducing suicide, reducing hospitalizations, improving recovery for the tens of millions of people who have mental illness. I hold myself accountable for that.”

No, they did not move the needle. That $20 billion gamble with taxpayer money did not improve the mental health of one single person. Not one. Despite endless promises, there is no biological test for any mental health condition. There are no new or better treatments. But, hey, what’s $20 billion among friends?

Neurobiology is one level of analysis, mental life is another. Thoughts and feelings must be studied at their own level of analysis. The brain is the subject matter of neurobiology and mental life is the subject matter of psychology. There are, of course, areas of intersection and overlap, but neither can supplant the other.

NIMH bet the farm on naive biological reductionism—assuming neurobiology would answer the important questions at the biological and psychological levels both. The assumption did not follow from scientific findings. It was a premise, reflecting the worldview of a researcher who built his career dissecting rodent brains. It was the equivalent of abolishing movies because engineers are working on cool video screens.

Twenty billion reasons say they bet wrong.

The lesson is that psychology must blaze the trail for psychological treatments using psychological concepts and methods. It must not play handmaiden to medicine or ape its concepts and methods.

It is an intellectual, scientific, and clinical dead-end when psychology seeks to be “like” medicine or like any other discipline. Psychology should not be more like medicine. Psychology should be like psychology. Psychologists contribute most to understanding and treating mental suffering by being first-rate psychologists, not aspiring to be second-rate medical doctors.

This is one reason why the new clinical practice guidelines issued by the American Psychological Association, which evaluate and recommend psychotherapies based on Institute of Medicine (IOM) criteria, are a tragic mistake. The criteria were designed to evaluate biological interventions like medication. Psychotherapy is nothing like medication.

Aping the methods of pharmaceutical research does not elevate psychology. We should not mislead the public to think emotional suffering is like medical disease, or different kinds of psychotherapy are like different medications. These assumptions are false at every level. Psychotherapy is not like medication, psychotherapy is like psychotherapy. And we should help the public, policymakers, and fellow healthcare professionals understand what good therapy is—because they do not know.

We should study the outcomes of psychotherapy using our own psychological concepts and methods. We should study how people change and how lives change, not diagnostic categories from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). We should study the outcomes that matter to patients and the therapists who treat them. Real psychotherapy is not about DSM diagnoses and never was. Real psychotherapy outcomes cannot be reduced to DSM symptom lists. There is no excuse for debasing psychotherapy by forcing it into a medical Procrustean bed.

Psychology has its own concepts and methods. Wilhelm Wundt established the first experimental psychology laboratory in 1879, studying mental life scientifically at a time when bloodletting was still common medical practice.

Just once, can psychology lead, not follow? Just once, can our professional organizations stop positioning psychology as handmaid to medicine and second-class citizen of healthcare? Just once, can our professional organizations stop stooping and groveling and debasing psychology by trying to shove the round peg of psychology into the square hole of a broken healthcare system?

Can psychology define for itself what we treat and how we treat it, instead of forcing ourselves into misshapen slots defined for us by medical researchers, healthcare systems, and health insurance companies?

Can we contribute to the world as psychologists using psychological concepts and methods? Can we be proud to be psychologists again?

Article Link: “It’s Time for Psychology to Lead, Not Follow”

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We Could All Use Some Psychological First Aid

Post author By Admin
Post date July 20, 2020

We Could All Use Some Psychological First Aid

These five elements can help psychological recovery after a crisis.

Posted by Mary McNaughton-Cassill Ph.D. on Jul 16, 2020

In the wake of a major disaster we often rush to meet people’s needs for water, shelter, and health care, but fail to address their psychological needs. This is unfortunate, because overwhelming stress can actually impede people’s ability to make effective use of the aid they are offered. Think for a minute about a scuba diver whose oxygen tank fails. Even if they have a backup plan, they have to remain calm enough to use it. The odds of their being able to do so also go up if they have a fellow diver there to help them.

As a Clinical Psychologist, I volunteer as a Disaster Mental Health Responder with the non-profit group called the Green Cross Academy of Traumatology (GCAT). Created after the Oklahoma City bombings, this all-volunteer group sends groups of Disaster Stress Management Specialists to assist survivors and responders on site. While the specifics of disaster events vary, we know that when people no longer fear for their lives, they find themselves coping with negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, and hopelessness. They may also experience stress-related difficulties with memory and decision making.

Helping people understand and cope with their distress makes it easier to begin the recovery process. But what happens when the disaster is not limited to a specific time or place, spreads invisibly, and has no clear end in sight? The coronavirus pandemic checks all of those boxes and has also focused our attention on the systemic discrimination and social inequities in our social system.

Fortunately, many of the flexible, time-limited strategies we use to help disaster survivors navigate their challenges can be adapted for use in the pandemic. In the immediate aftermath of a traditional disaster, life is not business as usual. Mental Health Responders don’t have access to quiet offices where they can talk to people on a regular basis about their life experiences and current situation. Instead, we talk to people on folding chairs in the corners of large shelters, behind food distribution centers, or in front of their damaged homes. We rarely see the same person more than once, and the focus is on helping them identify and cope with their most pressing needs.

This sort of intervention, sometimes called Psychological First Aid (PFA), can be learned and used by professionals and lay people alike. Like CPR, PFA is designed to be a short-term strategy to stabilize people in distress. Both are designed to help people in crisis, not to replace more traditional treatments. In an age of social distancing, we aren’t gathering in person, but we can certainly still reach out to people online.

Definitions of Psychological First Aid vary, but at least five components seem to be key. The first is: Help people feel safe. This is difficult to do during a raging pandemic, but in addition to encouraging people to take safety precautions, we also need to provide tangible support. When people are hungry and worried about their basic needs, they don’t cope well, so whether we are serving food from a Red Cross truck after a hurricane or a food bank distribution site during the current crisis, we are helping people to feel less vulnerable. Both offering support to others and receiving help ourselves can increase our sense of control.

The second principle of Psychological First Aid is to create a sense of calm by helping people manage their own emotions. This does not mean telling people how they should feel or dismissing their responses. It literally means listening to them while they talk (or cry or complain) and then helping them to reframe the situation so they can begin to think about how to move forward. Sometimes just expressing feelings reduces their intensity so we can think more clearly. Other times taking a break to socialize, exercise, practice a relaxation technique, or just breath can help us reset our responses. Feelings aren’t always accurate, but like pain, they are a warning system that won’t just go away if we ignore it.

Another aspect of PFA is helping people to regain a sense of control and self-efficacy. During and after a crisis people often struggle with feelings of helplessness. So, engaging them in problem solving and allowing them to determine what they need to cope can be empowering. I have seen victims of disasters regain their own footing after helping to clean up someone else’s yard, sharing their food with others, or even just being able to help other people find resources. We as humans don’t like feeling vulnerable, or out of control, so helping people realize that they still have agency can make a huge difference.

The fourth key to PFA is the need for social connection. In the wake of physical disasters, people often feel isolated and alone. Mobilizing social support in an age of social distancing can be difficult. But finding creative ways to reach out helps. Using virtual platforms to hold book clubs, collaborate on projects, or simply chat can enable us to connect. The key is to find a way to engage in an interaction with other people, not to simply observe their actions on social media.

Although it seems like an intangible concept, hope is also key for psychological recovery. That is ironic since we all acknowledge the destructive power of its opposite, despair. However, a little bit of perspective can go a long way! While our current situation seems dire, during the Civil War we took up arms against our fellow citizens, the Spanish Flu killed 50 million people worldwide, and wars have long resulted in people dying without having their family around them. If the past has taught us anything, it is that humans are resilient and that we can endure tough times. Psychological First Aid won’t cure the pandemic, but it can help us generate and maintain the hope that, like oxygen, is essential for our well-being.

References

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/articles/the-power-of-psychological-first-aid

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-disaster-strikes-inside-disaster-psychology/201810/psychological-first-aid

Green Cross Academy of Traumatology: gcat.org

Article Link: We Could All Use Some Psychological First Aid

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Creating Student Success From the First Day of School

Post author By Admin
Post date July 20, 2020

Creating Student Success From the First Day of School

Developing positive teacher-student relationships with students with autism.

Posted by Brenda Smith Myles Ph.D. on Aug 20, 2018

As Jahil approached his classroom on the first day of school, he was very nervous. Last year, he and his teacher didn’t always get along. He never felt that he belonged, and if he were honest, he didn’t always care. Mrs. Fredericks, his new teacher, stood outside the classroom door. When she saw Jahil, she smiled and said, “You’re Jahil, aren’t you? I’m excited that you are in my class. By the way, cool shoes.” Jahil smiled and immediately relaxed. He thought to himself, “She’s not too bad.”

In that simple yet important interaction, Mrs. Fredericks set the stage for an emotionally healthy classroom where Jahil can learn and grow.

In their seminal study on teacher-student relationships, Aspy and Roebuck (1977) found that five teacher behaviors were strongly related to students’ social and academic gains: a) accepts student feelings, b) uses praise, c) accepts and/or uses student ideas, d) provides instruction e) justifies authority. The authors further reported that it is “… worthwhile making sure that teachers use high levels of interpersonal skills in interactions with their students because benefits accrue to the students in terms of increases on both mental health and cognitive indices.” (p. 223)

In that one interaction, Mrs. Fredericks recognized Jahil’s feelings of anxiety, showed acceptance, and used sincere praise. This is an evidence-based practice. Recent research, including a meta-analysis of over 350,000 students, supports the findings of Aspy and Roebuck (1977) and reveals that the quality of early teacher-student relationships has a long-lasting impact. (Cornelius-White, 2007)

Positive teacher-student relationships in elementary school increase the likelihood that all learners, including those with autism, will experience fewer episodes of negative behavior. In addition, students who have a positive relationship with teachers also have higher academic achievement, fewer behavioral problems, better social skills, and greater social inclusion (cf. McCormick & O’Connor, 2015; O’Connor, Collins, & Supplee, 2012; Robertson, Chamberlain, & Kasari, 2003), including into high school. (Murray & Malmgren, 2005) This clearly impacts the long-term trajectory of school and, eventually, employment. (Baker, Grant, & Morlock, 2008; O’Connor et al., 2012)

Teachers have a strong influence on their students. That is, students’ perspectives and attitudes are formed in response to those of their teachers. Cornelius-White found that when teacher use supportive behaviors, students are more like to have positive outcomes in learning, behavior, and social-emotional growth.

From the beginning of the year, what can teachers do to create positive teacher-student relationships? Research has identified simple yet powerful ways to build supportive alliances with students (Cornelius-White). When establishing supportive relationships with students who have autism, these same strategies apply; however, they may need to be modified to be effective for the autistic neurology (Myles, Aspy, Mataya, & Shaffer, 2018). The following strategies will help you think differently about developing a relationship with an autistic student.

1. Be empathetic

Rely less on facial expressions and body language to understand how a student feels and to show how you feel. Learn basic visual supports for communicating emotions.

2. Support independent and interdependent functioning, not dependence

Be prepared to explicitly teach skills for independence and interdependence. Don’t assume that autistic students know what most students have learned through “osmosis.”

3. Be supportive of student needs

Recognize that needs of students with autism may not be typical. Sensory and cognitive differences lead to different needs.

4. Be trustworthy

Recognize that students with autism may take your words literally. Explaining when words are figurative or when something will be true most of the time can help to maintain trust.

5. Be positive

Studies show that people with ASD often read resting faces as showing anger. You may need to use visual supports and clear words to show your positive attitude toward a student.

6. Feel close to students

Write the student brief notes about how he is important to the class and you. Talk sincerely with the student about her special interests.

7. Accept student ideas

Students with ASD sometimes think in ways that surprise neurotypical teachers and peers. Nonetheless, they need to feel validated and included.

8. Praise and reinforce

Use student special interests as reinforcers.

9. Accept student feelings

Recognize that students with ASD sometimes have difficulty recognizing or labeling their own feelings. They also often have difficulty modulating their emotions. Be prepared to provide calming strategies. Recognize that discussions about emotions may be especially challenging.

10. Involve student in decision-making

Help student to set goals for learning academic, social, and behavior skills. Graph improvements with the student, so that she can understand her progress.

11. Encourage high-level thinking

Use visuals, such as T-charts, graphic organizers, and lists, in instruction. Allow students to respond verbally instead of in written format.

12. Be responsive to learners’ developmental, social, and personal needs

Teach social and daily living skills so that the student can interact successfully with others.

13. Promote student success

Modify academic work so that it is presented at the student’s level. Structure social activities for success. Incorporate special interests in student work.

14. Limit conflict

Establish clear rules and routines. Students with ASD tend to function best when their world is predictable. Clear rules and routines will decrease student anxiety and thus decrease conflict.

How important are teacher-student relationships for learners on the spectrum? Very. Teachers set the stage for student social success: “Students with ASD who have a positive relationship with their teachers have a higher level of social inclusion, have more peer relationships, and experience fewer behavior problems.” (Robertson et al., 2003)

References

Aspy, D. M., & Roebuck, F. N. (1977). Kids don’t learn from people they don’t like. Amherst, MA: Human.

Baker, J., Grant, S., & Morlock, L. (2008). The teacher-student relationship as a developmental context for children with internalizing or externalizing behavior problems. School Psychology Quarterly, 23(1), 3-15.

Cornelius-White, J. (2007). Learner-centered teacher-student relationships are effective: A meta-analysis. Review of Educational Research, 77(1), 113-143.

Article Link: Creating Student Success From the First Day of School

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Six Thoughts for Dealing With Toxic Behavior

Post author By Admin
Post date June 16, 2020

Six Thoughts for Dealing With Toxic Behavior

Preparing in advance to ward off toxic people is a way to protect yourself.

Posted by Rita Watson MPH on May 23, 2019

Whether in social situations or the workplace, we will encounter people who exhibit toxic behavior. Ironically, we know the signs, but even The Psychotherapist’s Guide to Neuropsychiatry: Diagnosis and Treatment Issues has no mention of such behavior in the table of contents.

What comes closest to defining the behavior, however, can be found under “The Anxious Cluster of Personality Disorders,” (p.353). With toxic behavior—whether stemming from tendencies that include obsessive-compulsive disorders or passive-aggression, for example—there are recognizable scenarios. People with toxic behavior will often be disrespectful of boundaries. They may speak critically of others or rudely to others. Some may frequently interrupt people who are in conversation. The worst will likely manipulate others to meet their own needs, or undercut colleagues or friends to their own advantage.

First, in her PT post, “8 Things the Most Toxic People in Your Life Have in Common,” Abigail Brenner, M.D., says:
“Toxic people are manipulative. Their modus operandi is to get people to do what they want them to do. It’s all about them. They use other people to accomplish whatever their goal happens to be. Forget what you want; this is not about equality in a relationship—far from it.”

How Toxic People Affect You

Dealing with toxic people at work can be a challenge, particularly in a workplace with a toxic boss. There have been major studies assessing the problems of toxic environments and what leaders can do to address the problem which—if it remains unchecked—leads to reduced workplace productivity (e.g., “An Empirical Study Analyzing Job Productivity in Toxic Workplace Environments”).

For many years, women struggled in the workplace and often found themselves sabotaged, frequently by another woman. An all-too-familiar scenario occurred when someone cozied up to a co-worker, plied her for secrets, and then shared the secrets with others in the department. In Sisterhood Betrayed, there are many interviews with women who were undercut by colleagues. The stories portray women “who feel the need to take from another a hard-earned position or place, who feel that in order to succeed, it is necessary to manipulate rather than create, to take rather than earn” (p 198). Women who are victims of this should be aware that such behavior can be manipulated by men behind the scenes.

How can a toxic person be handled? Confront without being confrontational. Point out the facts to the person. Remain free of emotion. Then walk away.

Protecting Yourself From a Toxic Personality

From a social perspective involving family, friends, and neighbors, most people rely on their instincts or a careful decision-making strategy. When encountering toxic people, here are six suggestions for dealing with them before resorting to the ultimate solution—cutting them out of your life.

Understand how the person affects you. In many cases, the person is intrusive and annoying and has no problem interrupting when you are speaking to someone else. Be aware of this and do your best to avoid the person.
Confront without being confrontational. Privately take this person aside. State the behavior that you find disturbing. Firmly point out that there will be consequences if it continues. Then, walk away before getting into a harmful exchange. This is effective when you catch a person being rude to others. When you see this, call them on it. (But know that they will deny such behavior and even lie about it and manipulate the story.)
Be prepared for their drama. People who are needy and toxic almost always have a family drama to report and a list of ailments or perceived slights that they use as a way of evoking your sympathy. When they come into your space, put an immediate stop to the situation. Kindly but emphatically say, “I wish I had time to talk to you right now, but I don’t. Maybe we can catch up another time.”
Make it a point to avoid toxic people. When the conversation is unavoidable, keep it short and then walk away. (You often will not need to engage in conversation, because toxic people prefer to hear themselves talk and are not really interested in what you have to say. However, when caught in a situation meant to tear at your heartstrings, offer sympathy and move on. )
Set up firm boundaries. Remind people to call you before visiting. And when they disrespect your wishes, you may have to open the door and say, “I’m sorry. This is not a good time for me.”
Build a wall around yourself to stay safe. If you wish to remain in the friendship (or it’s a working relationship and you have no choice), be prepared for frustrations. You may feel sorry for the person and want to help, but this is rarely possible.

Keep in mind that people with toxic personalities will not take “no” for an answer. They will quietly harass you until they get what they want from you: your friendship, time, or information. Sometimes such a person will just want to get enough information about you so as to use that information to gossip to others about you, as a way of pretending or imagining that you are “close friends.”

In one of my books, I wrote: “If you see yourself in any of these scenarios, you probably should not admit to it.” That said, the toxic person will not admit to seeing themselves as others do. There are many theories about toxic people and those who have a wish to help them. But according to Dr. Brenner: “There is a general sense that they have no interest in therapy or change. In fact, they often see themselves as innocent and frequently play the victim” (e.g., “Toxic People III”).

References

Ellison, J., et al, (1994) The Psychotherapist’s Guide to Neuropsychiatry: Diagnostic and Treatment Issues 1st Edition, Washington, DC, and London, England, American Psychiatric Press. 1994

Anjum, A et al, (2018) An Empirical Study Analyzing Job Productivity in Toxic Workplace Environments, International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 2018 May; 15(5): 1035

Barber, J., Watson, R. Sisterhood Betrayed: Women in the Workplace and the All About Eve Complex, St. Martin’s Press, New York, 1991.

Article Link: Six Thoughts for Dealing With Toxic Behavior

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The 5 Types of Self-Talk Your Brain Likes Best

Post author By Admin
Post date June 15, 2020

The 5 Types of Self-Talk Your Brain Likes Best

Thrive talk instead of survive talk creates greater resilience.

Posted by Bryan E. Robinson Ph.D. on Jun 11, 2020

One night I got caught in a harrowing blizzard in a remote area of the North Carolina Mountains without snow tires or four-wheel drive. I couldn’t stop or pull off the road, and my car was skidding on ice. Clutching the steering wheel, I had to drive another 30 miles straight up steep treacherous mountain curves. At first, I heard my judgment’s reprimands, I hope you’re satisfied, dummy. You’ve done it now. Before the harshness escalated, I was aware that my judgment had tangled up with me like a ball of yarn. I took a deep breath, moved into coaching myself with kindness, Okay Bryan, easy does it. You’ve got this. You’re going to be just fine. Just breathe. That’s right, Bryan, just keep it on the road. Awesome job!

There was a time when people who talked to themselves were considered “crazy.” Now, experts consider self-talk to be one of the most effective therapeutic tools available. Obviously, I made it home safely because I’m here to tell the story. I believe I survived because of the way I spoke to myself. The science of self-talk has shown time and again that how we use self-talk makes a big difference. Negative, survive talk can lead to anxiety and depression. Positive, thrive talk can mitigate dysfunctional mental states and cultivate healthier states of mind.

Self-Distancing

Research shows silently referring to ourselves by name instead as “I,” gives us psychological distance from the primitive parts of our brain. It allows us to talk to ourselves the way we might speak to someone else. The survive mind’s story isn’t the only story. And the thrive mind has a chance to shed a different light on the scenario. The language of separation allows you to process an internal event as if it happened to someone else. First-name self-talk or referring to yourself as “you,” shifts focus away from your primitive brain’s inherent egocentricism. Studies show this practice lowers anxiety, gives us self-control, cultivates wisdom over time and puts the brakes on the negative voices that restrict possibilities.

University of Michigan psychologist Ethan Kross conducted research into the value of first-name self-talk as a way to disable social anxiety before and after a stressful event when people often ruminate about their performance. Kross gave 89 participants five minutes to prepare a speech. Half were told to use only pronouns to refer to themselves while the other half were told to use their names. The pronoun group had greater anxiety with such comments as, “There’s no way I can prepare a speech in five minutes,” while the name group had less anxiety and expressed confidence using self-talk such as, “Bryan, you can do this.” The name group was also rated higher in performance by independent evaluators and were less likely to ruminate after the speech. Other studies also show that first-name self-talk is more likely to empower you and increase the likelihood that, compared to someone using first-person pronoun self-talk, you see a challenge (thrive mind) instead of a threat (survive mind).

Broaden-and-Build

Like the zoom lens of a camera, Mother Nature hardwired your survival brain for tunnel vision to target a threat. Your heart races, eyes dilate, and breathing escalates to enable you to fight or flee. As your brain zeroes in, your self-talk makes life-or-death judgments that constrict your ability to see possibilities. Your focus is narrow like the zoom lens of a camera, clouding out the big picture. And over time you build blind spots of negativity without realizing it. Self-talk through your wide-angle lens allows you to step back from a challenge, look at the big picture, and brainstorm a wide range of possibilities, solutions, opportunities and choices.

In a study conducted by Dr. Barbara Frederickson at the University of North Carolina, researchers assigned 104 people to one of three groups: Group 1 experienced positive feelings (amusement or serenity), Group 2 negative feelings (anger or fear), and Group 3 no special feelings (neutrality). Then the researchers said, “Given how you’re feeling, make a list of what you want to do right now.” The positive group had the longest list of possibilities compared to the negative and neutral groups because the positive perspective showcased a range of possibilities. You have agency to broaden and build your survival brain’s constrictive “zoom lens” into a “wide-angle lens,” creating a perspective that broadens your range of vision to take in more information and free you from your mind’s limitations.

Self-Affirmations

During the 1990s, comedians mocked the notion of self-affirmations with tongue-in-cheek phrases such as, “I’m smart enough” or “I’m good enough.” Al Franken created and performed the fictional character Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live in a mock self-help show called Daily Affirmations—a psychotherapist’s nightmare. Years since, otherwise willing clients have steered away from the off-putting idea of self-kindness and positive affirmations. The comedic antics of the 1990s stigmatized the practice with shame and embarrassment, which led the public to disavow the practice.

In 2014, enter Clayton Critcher and David Dunning at the University of California at Berkeley. The psychologists conducted a series of studies showing that positive affirmations function as “cognitive expanders,” bringing a wider perspective to diffuse the brain’s tunnel vision of self-threats. Their findings show that affirmations help us transcend the zoom-lens mode by engaging the wide-angle lens of the mind. Self-affirmations helped research participants cultivate a long-distance relationship with their judgment voice and see themselves more fully in a broader self-view, bolstering their self-worth.

Relationships With Your ‘Parts’

When you notice you’re in an unpleasant emotional state—such as worry, anger, or frustration—holding these parts of you at arm’s length and observing them impartially as a separate aspect of you, activates your thrive talk (clarity, compassion, calm). Thinking of them much as you might observe a blemish on your hand allows you to be curious about where they came from. Instead of pushing away, ignoring, or steamrolling over the unpleasant parts, the key is to acknowledge them with something like, “Hello frustration, I see you’re active today.” This simple acknowledgment relaxes the parts so you can face the real hardship—whatever triggered them in the first place. This psychological distance flips the switches in your survive brain and thrive brain at which point you are calm, clear-minded, compassionate, perform competently, and have more confidence and courage.

Self-Compassion

There is a direct link between self-compassion and happiness, well-being, and success. The more self-compassion you have, the greater your emotional arsenal. Studies from the University of Wisconsin show that meditation cultivates compassion and kindness, affecting brain regions that make you more empathetic to other people. Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), the researchers discovered that positive emotions such as loving-kindness and compassion can be developed in the same way as playing a musical instrument or being proficient in a sport. The imaging revealed that brain circuits used to detect emotions were dramatically changed in subjects who had extensive practice in compassion meditation.

Other studies show that the expression of empathy has far-reaching effects in your personal and professional lives. Employers who express empathy are more likely to retain employees, amp up productivity, reduce turnover, and create a sense of belonging in the company. If you cultivate the habit of speaking with loving-kindness, you change the way your brain fires in the moment. Studies show when abrasive, survive self-talk attacks you, it reduces your chances of rebounding and ultimately success. Instead of coming down hard on yourself, loving-kindness helps you bounce back quicker. Forgiving yourself for previous slip-ups such as procrastination, for example, offsets further procrastination. A survey of 119 Carleton University students who forgave themselves after procrastinating on the first midterm exam were less likely to delay studying for the second one.

When we talk ourselves off the ledge (as I did in the snowstorm) using self-distancing, compassion, and positive self-talk, we perform better at tasks and recover more quickly from defeat or setbacks—regardless of how dire the circumstances.

References

Critcher, C. R., & Dunning, D. (2015). Self-affirmations provide a broader perspective on self-threat. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 41(1), 3–18.

Fredrickson, B. (2009). Positivity: Discover the upward spiral that will change your life. New York: Crown.

Kross, E. (2014). Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106 304-324.

Article Link: The 5 Types of Self-Talk Your Brain Likes Best

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Your Personality Isn’t Permanent, It Can Change For The Better Over A Lifetime

Post author By Admin
Post date June 4, 2020

Your Personality Isn’t Permanent, It Can Change For The Better Over A Lifetime

If you think of your personality as flexible, you will do much better in life

Posted by Jennifer Thomas Oppong
on Jun 1, 2020

People can and do change for better (or worse). If you are not happy about certain character traits, you can do something about them.

The good news is, your personality — the combination of traits, thoughts, feelings and behaviours that make you unique can be shaped into who you want to become.

Your personality is not permanent.

I have always thought of myself as a “work in progress.” Always transforming. And I have become a much better person because of that mindset. I’m constantly learning about new models, perspectives and principles that can make me a better human every day. I’m not who I was a decade ago in thoughts, behaviours and emotional patterns.

Your own theories about who you are have a great influence your actions. And those perceptions dictate your experiences, which are literally rearranging your brain’s wiring.

Many people view their habits, traits, and characteristics as permanent.

If you view your personality as mutable instead of permanent, you’re inclined to work on it and improve in your life and career.
Stanford psychologist Lee Ross says, “People’s inflated belief in the importance of personality traits and dispositions, together with their failure to recognise the importance of situational factors in affecting behaviour, has been termed the ‘fundamental attribution error.”

In his new book, Personality Isn’t Permanent: Break Free from Self-Limiting Beliefs and Rewrite Your Story, Psychologist and bestselling author Benjamin Hardy, PhD draws on psychological research to debunk the popular misconception that personality — your consistent attitudes and behaviours are permanent.

Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology once said, “The most important question anyone can ask is: What myth am I living?”

The myths we choose to believe are life-changing. They have surprising impact on on our lives and careers. When you believe the myths world tells you about your identity, you’ll always tend to act out who you think you are.

Hardy’s key research-backed argument is that you’re not stuck with the personality you’ve got. He explains why personality tests such as Myers-Briggs and Enneagram are psychologically destructive.

His case for the transformational capacity of the human mind is a good addition to Carol S. Dweck’s research that human endeavour can be influenced by how we think about our capabilities.

“For twenty years, my research has shown that the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life,” says Dweck.

In the book, Hardy guides you to decide for yourself the life you want to live, regardless of how different it is from your past or present. He provides evidence, case studies and true stories of intentional self-transformation to support his ideas.

“You are not a single and narrow “type” of person. In different situations and around different people, you are different. Your personality is dynamic, flexible, and contextual. Moreover, your personality changes throughout your life, far more than you can presently imagine,” writes Hardy.

People who transform themselves and their lives have a different, open, and flexible view of their own future. They refuse to be defined by the past.

“The most successful people in the world base their identity and internal narrative on their future, not their past,” he argues.

What you believe to be the only truth affects what you achieve

Steve Maraboli, a Behavioural Scientist said, “Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it.”

People with established mindsets from the past stop looking forward. They stop integrating new and better experiences in — they’re still living in the past.

They have a very difficult time fully embracing new mindsets, mental models, and life principles. It’s also hard for them to allow present healthy experiences to continue shaping their personality.

Past experiences and traumas can trap you in unhealthy attitudes and behaviours, but there’s always a way out — if you’re ready to learn more about yourself and are open to improving beyond your current circumstances.

Dr. Hardy shows you why changing how you view your past is fundamental to upgrading your identity and future. He goes a step further and provides life-changing ideas to shift your story and reframe your current story.

“The meaning you place on past events determines who you are and what your future is. Changing how you view your past is fundamental to upgrading your identity and future. Fundamental to changing your identity is also changing your story. A new future creates a new past,” he writes.

A shift in how you perceive yourself changes everything. There’s more flexibility to who we are than we might assume.

You’re not trapped by your own character traits. When you think of yourself as evolving, you’ll open yourself up to new and better experiences that can create normal, healthy memories.

If your past experience has altered your authentic self, it’s not too late. You can override your past fixed memory about who you are and experience a positive and significant personality change.

“Life is a classroom. You’re here to grow. You’re here to live by faith and design. You’re here. You’re here to choose. The choice is yours. Who will you be?” — Benjamin Hardy, PhD

You can change your internal narrative, override past behaviours, and adopt an open mindset that can help you make the personality change you want.

Never stop evolving.

Article Link: Your Personality Isn’t Permanent, It Can Change For The Better Over A Lifetime